published in Volume 24 Issue 3: Jun/Jul 07
Recently I have been working on a big project for a very difficult ‘client’...my family. Just after the ‘06 holiday season my youngest sister got engaged. Ever since, my whole family has been a-buzz with the preparations. As with many people in our [crafts] line of work, I come from a long tradition of craftspeople, musicians and fine-artists; our specialties varied but complimentary. So, each of our ‘gifts’ needs to be represented in this family affair...at least according to my mother.
Designing and making custom work for anyone can be trying. Since the market is flooded with mass-produced bling fit for every Hallmark-holiday and priced for any budget, the client seeking out custom, one-of-a-kind, hand-fabricated jewelry is a rare and generally picky breed. In addition, the custom client’s motivation to purchase a one-of-a-kind piece is usually some highly charged emotional event such as a wedding. Situations such as weddings and anniversaries add another complex layer to the design and fabrication process. When that emotionally charged client happens to be family the gloves can soon be off and no punches will be pulled if you aren’t careful.
I love my family and am happy to share my skills and talents with them. Usually I do this by making birthday and holiday gifts as opposed to buying them in a store. When a gift is made and given out of the maker’s own volition, the sentiment and motivation is markedly different than when the maker has been specifically asked to make a gift.
Another issue that is often at play in these types of transactions is a preconception held by many non-makers; that since we [makers] love what we do it is not ‘work’ and that our love for what we do is, or should be, compensation enough. I had always suspected this was the case, but it was sadly confirmed for me a few years ago when I was working for a not-to-be-mentioned-by-name South Bay municipality as an Arts Recreation Coordinator. In this position I was responsible for overseeing arts classes for youth and adults at the local community center as well as helping in the planning and facilitation of publicly commissioned art works for and by the community. At the time I was helping to put together a large scale quilt workshop project for the Senior Center. The workshops would be lead by a well respected local quilt artist. Over a series of day-long workshops more than 50 local seniors would create a giant quilt that when finished would be displayed on the walls of the brand new Senior Center facility. It’s a long story, but we were at the point where the project had been approved and an artist had been chosen by the Arts Staff to lead the workshop. Now all we had to do was present the artist to the Arts Commission for final approval. The amount the artist was to be paid had been previously approved by the Recreation Superintendent and budgeted at a mere $10,000. When the Arts Commission heard what the artist was to be paid they recoiled with one commissioner saying, “But she’s an artist! She’s doing something she loves! Why do we have to pay her at all?” (To grasp the full absurdity of this statement keep in mind that this project would run over a number of months and all supplies were to come out of the $10,000.) This was a commonly held belief among the municipality’s staff as well. I no longer work for this municipality.
They say that it is a great compliment to be told that you make something ‘look so easy.’ But the idea that something is easy seems to connote that it is of little value; just as the word ‘work’ seems to imply an unpleasant activity. So if you love what you do and make it look so easy there must be absolutely no value in your endeavors...right? Well, you and I know that this is not truth. All of these misconceptions are things you must take into consideration when being asked to take on a family project like the one I’ve been working on.
So far it has been requested of me to make, as a gift, and I have completed, matching necklace and earring sets for my sister’s nine (yup, that is no type-o...9!) bridesmaids as well as a necklace, earring and bracelet set for my sister. Additionally I have been asked to make a head piece for my sister. Like me, Mary has very short hair, so making a headpiece that will stay on her head is tricky and I have run into a number of design and fabrication obstacles including waning motivation. When I agreed to take on this project I did not consider everything that I should have and now I find myself feeling overwhelmed, under pressure to please and worst of all, under appreciated. I must stress however that this is no one’s fault save my own and I know that on my sister’s special day I will be both happy about and proud of my contribution.
So, how can you avoid the mess I find myself in? Before committing to a family project ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this project something I want to do or would I be doing it out of a false sense of obligation?
- Will the finished project be appreciated and treasured?
- Do I have the adequate time, facilities and skills to complete this project?
- If I say yes to this project will I feel pressured to say yes to future projects?
- Does the person asking me to take on this project hold any of the before mentioned misconceptions about the work I do?
- Can I live with the answers to all of these questions and complete the project without compromising my personal values and ethics? Example: Because I personally find the diamond trade vulgar and gratuitous I do not work with diamonds, ever, and declined the request for me to make wedding bands for my sister and her fiancé even though they wanted to pay me for making them.
If you are comfortable with the answers to these questions and agree to take on a family project I also recommend you do the following:
- Set boundaries for yourself and be sure that you know exactly what is being asked of you.
- Set a strict budget and time line for the project and be sure that the requesting family member is aware of this. Doing so will avoid misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations down the line.
- Make sure no means no and yes means yes. Do not allow yourself to be compromised by the piggyback effect. An example of the piggyback effect would be if the requesting family member made the following statement: Since you are already doing this project it would be great if you did such-and-such too.
- Do the project with joy. It will read in the finished piece and make it that much more special.
- And finally, if the family member is paying you for anything other than the supplies you need, it is no longer a gift and should be treated as such. Be careful accepting money from family in this type of situation. Often family members feel a greater sense of entitlement than a random client and are more willing to spend your time for you. Be sure that you both know exactly where the other stands.
All warnings aside, creating work that will become a family heirloom is a rich and rewarding experience. Your story will travel through future generations along with the finished piece. It is very gratifying and empowering to write your family history in this way...by making the family jewels.